Not only does it reward you with not having to take responsibility for any of your behavior (because “other people” are always responsible), but it also prevents you from feeling uncomfortable emotions like guilt and anger, while at the same time making you feel “cared for” by others. There is a lot of comfort and artificial “safety” in playing the victim identity. This unconscious craving to control others through their sympathies is really only a way for the mind to reinforce its belief in the “I’m a victim” ego identity. Having other people feel sorry for you is an easy way to wrap them around your little finger. People in relationships or friendships with victims often report feeling like puppets who mold into whatever the victim believes they are or wants them to be. Even so, the victim role does involve a tremendous amount of manipulation and string-pulling. The majority of people who play the victim do so unconsciously, or unintentionally. Playing the victim actually gives you a lot of power: power to avoid responsibility, power to feel “righteously” sad and persecuted, power to avoid uncomfortable emotions, and power to manipulate other people. You get to avoid and bypass anger because you’re too busy feeling sadĬan you see some underlying patterns starting to emerge here?.You don’t have to feel bored because there’s too much drama going on.You feel interesting because you get to tell people all of your stories.You’re more likely to get what you want.
Other people are less likely to criticize or upset you.Other people lavishing you with attention.Not having to take responsibility for anything.These rewards make it very difficult to break out of such a mindset, which is why most victims seem to be so emotionally invested in perpetuating this type of toxic behavior. Playing the victim actually has a number of juicy perks. However, although what happens to us as children is completely beyond our control, it is our responsibility as adults to step into our power and reclaim responsibility for our happiness. Self-victimization can also develop through the codependent relationships we had with our parents, or simply by observing and adopting the unhealthy victim mentality exhibited by one or more of our family members. Most victims were victimized in some way as children, whether that was through physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse or psychological abuse. Instead, the victim mentality is an acquired personality trait, meaning that it is the result of early life conditioning and coping mechanisms. No one is born with a victim mentality, just as no one is born clinically depressed or anxious. Simply put, having a victim mentality means that you blame other people and circumstances for the unhappiness you feel.
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